The Sacrament of Vulnerability

By our human nature, we are physical and spiritual beings. By our nature we are individual creations meant to be in relationship with others—we are social creatures. By our nature, we have been endowed with talents and gifts—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual—albeit with limitations. Not all of us become Olympic stars or spiritual directors. As I grow in life, I come to know myself in what I can do and not do, what I value and reject, what I am willing to fight for. One avenue of this development is through self-reflection, one of the greatest capacities of the human being which gives us insight and joy. Have you ever watched a baby who realizes for the first time that the reflection in the mirror is his own? As my sense of self develops, as I come to accept my talents, limitation, my strengths and weaknesses, hopefully I can accept that it’s ok to make mistakes. I learn from my errors. I try my best. To accept my humanness—to accept who I am is a blessing. There is joy, insight, as well as a freeing feeling in accepting who I am as God has made me. How many times have I said, “Thank you” to God for just being—being human? 

Living our human life, naturally, involves risk taking. As Maslow indicates, our basic human needs are our life’s motivators to be safe, to love and to belong, to feel respected, to achieve. Meeting these needs, growing into a healthy personality, means asserting myself, means risking to take the next step forward, means being vulnerable, having courage, trust and confidence. There is excitement as well as anxiety in risking. Even if I know that failure to reach the 6’ mark on the high jump might be the outcome, I’m willing, I choose to try. The outcome may bring deflation, embarrassment, or a sense of accomplishment. Fear of failure, the need to be right can be motivating forces to “achieve.” To what ends will I go to ace a test? How much effort do I apply to ascertain the correct set of directions for a trip? Or am I willing to get lost on the road without being certain of every turn in the road? Risking is an ordinary part of living, of becoming who God meant me to be. 

Dealing with interpersonal situations requires another level of risking. The risk might be criticism for my personal response to a discussion question. Or I might be rejected by the new group of friends because of my unconventional opinion. Do I risk accepting an invitation to dinner when I know the conversations with this friend frequently get testy and I am challenged in these circumstances? Do I accept the possibility of making the dinner experience a pleasant one? Making the choice (deciding intentionally) involves reflection on circumstances, my courage and confidence to accept or turn down the invitation. Accepting the invitation opens me to being rejected, put down, failing in my goal, or to making good on my aim. Being vulnerable is part of ordinary life. 

Frequently, I don’t have time to reflectively determine my choice of words, e.g., in a tense conversation. I can be deliberate in my pace so that I don’t regret harsh or angry words. After the conversation, with some distance from the event, my reflective review may reveal that an expression of gratitude or apology is appropriate from me. If I have forgotten/omitted/broken a promise with a friend/co-worker, am I open enough in our relationship to acknowledge my error and say “I’m sorry, I apologize, I did make a mistake in giving you the wrong information?” Or “I understand that you forgot we changed the dinner time.” Expressions of apology, forgiveness, gratitude lead to another level of relationship, important for continued growth personally, socially, spiritually. It is a healthy process to do a daily review of my actions, especially in my relationships with other people. When I step away from the day’s busyness, I am more likely to see my accomplishments and failures and foibles. An examen of consciousness can provide insight into myself and others, along with behavior changes to improve relationships with other people and between God and myself. 

Experiences of risking, of opening myself to the world of possibility, or being vulnerable are elements of ordinary living. In the words of Miriam Ukeritis “…it is in the very statement of our vulnerability that we invite the other to relationship, to exploring the truth, to arriving at greater potential. Such is the action of graced vulnerability.” These occasions of vulnerability are sacramental, conduits for receiving God’s grace freeing me to be at home with my Maker and myself. 

Bibliography

1. Ukeritis, Miriam, CSJ. (2022) Returning to our original Love: The Grace of Vulnerability, Occasional Papers, Summer, 8-10. 
2. Abraham Joshua Heschel. Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity: Essays (1997). No Religion is an Island, p. 264.